Welcome to our all our new Icelandic readers! How are you doing?! Are you cold because of how your country is frozen much of the time?
So, in case you’ve been preoccupied with inconsequential affairs like the American presidential election, you may have missed Wonkette’s Exclusive MUST CREDIT WONKET Report Tuesday on how the mayor of Reykjavik, Iceland, Dagur B. Eggertsson, is a smoking hot piece of man flesh. We are quite sure that he is also smart and nice and has great taste in potted plants, but that’s not what our report was about, OK?
Well, Icelandic news websites — or maybe just their version of Gawker, we don’t know — noticed our Serious Journalism on Dagur’s extreme sexiness! This one, called Nútíminn.is, seems to be going with the “We Report, You Decide” model of blogging. Of course, we had to filter it through Google Translate, so it’s awkward as hell:
We think they are quoting us right there! Because we did not say he was just a penis and a face. That would be strange if he was just a detached dong and face dancing across the Icelandic countryside! What we said in our original thing was this:
But he’s not just a big dick, a pretty face, multiple degrees and the king of a whole city. He plays board games too!
Dagur is ALL THE THINGS, and all the things are Dagur.
They also quote Wonkette saying that Dagur’s milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. This is how Google Translate interpreted that:
The discussion ends so that the journalist claims that [Dagur’s] milkshake seduces all boys and girls in the park.
We don’t know if his milkshake does that, but suddenly we’re in the mood for a picnic! For any who do not get the cultural reference, please listen to this song right now:
So that website was one thing. Another, Iceland Magazine, simply GETS US:
Wonkette is known for its somewhat risqué approach to describing the appearance of politicians its writers find handsome or pretty, so significant parts of the “analysis” of the article are somewhat unfit to print.
There’s another one called mbl.is, which seems a little bit more, shall we say, JUDGEY.
We still think they’re quoting us, and not being judgy yet. And they DO help with little things the Icelanders might not understand immediately, like how we said Dagur is a guy Wonkette is DTF:
[Wonkette] said the latest insert the item “guy Wonkette is DTF.” The abbreviation stands for “Down To Fuck” or “ready to fuck “. […]
“We do not know whether the people of Iceland give each other nicknames like” Big D “but we think it appropriate [for the day],” stands at the beginning of this article. The word “Big” means of course big “D” is often used instead of “Dick” which is the word for penis men.
Correct! Like when we say a phrase like Ridin’ The ‘D’, we are talking about sexual intercourse. Here is where they throw shade:
The post is written by Evan Hurst, editor Wonkette. While reading the article may satire gender and sexual reviews of women’s hard to say exactly what is the aim of objectification [of Dagur].
What is the POINT, madam or sir? The POINT is that he is a very sexy man! You don’t expect our Dick Joke blog to focus on the policy details of the speech Dagur gave to the Junior League of Iceland last week, do you? Nah man, we are doing the important work of improving diplomatic relations between our two nations, by showing Americans what a sexxx beast your capital city’s mayor is. Maybe you would like to pick an American mayor that Iceland would be DTF so we can be even?
Of course, we do not speak Icelandic, and like we said, Google Translate sucks, so if you teach Icelandic As A Second Language at your local community college, please to help! Alternately, Björk speaks English, so if she would be so kind as to serve as ambassador between Icelandic media and yr Wonkette, that would be super. We can have a summit, and she can wear the swan dress if she still has it, because unlike other dicks in the American media, we like that dress.
Or we could say fuck it on the translation and just speak the language of loooooove. WITH DAGUR.